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Day Dream

"You're leaving?!" Celesta's voice rose in pitch and nearly cracked.

There was almost a panic in her eyes when Lucien turned to look at her. He nodded curtly. "Yes. I am leaving."

Celesta nodded and forced a smile. "Why don't I get us all drinks?"

Lucien rose from his chair. "That is not necessary, Celesta. I shall fetch the drinks. You should be here. With the one you love."

Celesta gave him a look of alarm and Matteo stood up. "Nonsense. I will. You and Celesta are old friends. I'm sure you two have quite a bit to catch up on."

"No, really," Lucien insisted. "I will go fetch the drinks. Besides, I feel as though I am the fifth man out."

Matteo raised an eyebrow. "I see that." He left without a word to the bar for drinks as Lucien slowly sank back down into his seat.

Those words seared through him and ran around in his head. "Celesta, I am sorry, but I really must go. Good luck to you both." he stood and hastily departed the tavern before Celesta could utter a word.

She watched him go, a hurt look on her face. She forced a smile when Matteo came back. She told him that Lucien had remembered something when he had asked what about Lucien and sat quietly at the table afterwards. She stared at the chair Lucien had occupied earlier. Should she have waited?

“You’re quiet.”

“Just thinking,” she assured him.

He set down his tankard and stood up, offering his hand to her. “Come. I’ll take you home.”

Celesta set her drink down, grasped his hand, and stood up. She tired to smile at him but it felt forced. Seeing Lucien again made her realized why she had cared for him so much. She was uncertain of her wedding to Matteo. Now more than ever. Just pre-wedding jitters, brought about by seeing Lucien again.

The man who has your heart, a voice whispered, and knows your soul better than most.

Celesta tried to hush the whispering but the voice persisted. Her heart was as indecisive as always, it seemed. It even came to the point that she refused to let Matteo kiss her as soon as they reached her manor.

Matteo gave her a confused look. He said nothing and kissed her hand goodnight.

Celesta turned away, entered her home, and shut the door behind her. Matteo was wonderful but there were some things that she wished he did. Yes, he was sweet but he wasn’t the epitome of a gentleman or knight. He certainly looked it but there were certain things, certain allowances, which he gave himself that Lucien never would have allowed.

She stopped herself. She was comparing again. She knew she shouldn’t but she was. Every man she met she has compared to Lucien. She sighed and retired for the evening.

***

The wedding was fast approaching and although she had fun preparing it, she still felt wrong about the whole affair. Matteo was very loving and tried everything to assuage her fears; however, no matter how hard he tried she still ha d a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

When the day of the wedding finally arrived, she had butterflies in her stomach. Everything was prepared and in order. Nothing could go wrong.

Celesta walked down the aisle by herself. She had no family to walk with her and felt that it was better this way. She stopped at the altar and gave Matteo a tremulous Smile. He tried to give her a reassuring one, but he no longer looked so confident. She turned to the cleric and suddenly knew. She just knew. T his was wrong.

“I can’t do this,” she whispered.

The cleric blinked at her in surprise. “I’m sorry?” she whispered back.

“I can’t do this,” Celesta said again, this time loud enough for the cleric and Matteo to hear. S he looked over at him. “I’m sorry,” was all she said, and fled back down the aisle and out of the temple. She didn’t care about the stares or the astonished gasps of the guests in the temple. The whole situation was wrong and she knew it.

She hastened down the road to her home, flinging the door wide open. Her staff went into a flurry of motion and noised as they tried to figure out what was going on. She picked up the hem of her dress and ran up the stairs, her veil falling from her hair. She burst into her room and flung herself onto her bed.

She had almost made the worst mistake of her life. Actually, she already had: letting Lucien go. Tears began to well up in her eyes. She tried to fight them back but they spilled onto her cheeks anyway. She would be ostracized now. A laughing stock. Not that it mattered. She lost the one thing, the one person, that mattered to her most.

Celesta heard the door shut quietly behind her and figured it was the senior made. She cried even harder. The dress would probably be ruined but she didn’t care. She would never wear it again. Ever.

***

The days that followed she stayed in her manor. The staff heard what happened from others but said nothing of the matter in the household. All guests, whether they were well-wishers, irate guests, or nosey busy-bodies, were turned away. All contact with Matteo ceased. Not that he could be blamed. Celesta did embarrass him in front of quite a few people. Thinking back on the situation, Lord Bruce seemed to be the only one that hadn’t been surprised.

Celesta avoided all interaction with the outside world until she felt ready to face her peers once more. Some greeted her with kindness. Others with loathing. She didn’t care. Instead, she decided to do what she should have done in the first place: she waited.

She waited five long years for Lucien, and wait she did. She knew he would return she just didn’t know when. She kept in constant contact with Lord Bruce, who promised to let her know as soon as he knew Lucien had returned. So, she waited, treasuring memories of him in both her waking and dreaming moments, caressing trinkets he thought lost from when they had first met, rereading the letters he had sent her. All tucked away where only she could find them.

“M’lady?”

Celesta turned in her seat at her desk to look up at the senior maid. “Yes?”

“A missive from Lord Bruce just arrived for you, M’lady.”

Celesta rose slowly from her seat and reached for the missive with trembling hands. Unable to contain her excitement, she tore it open and read the message. She reread it again just to be sure. “He’s here,” she breathed.

“M’lady?”

“Tell the staff to prepare a room for tonight,” Celesta ordered. “We may have a guest.” She fairly flew out of her room and raced down the stairs. She paused for a heartbeat to grab a cloak a member of her staff had made ready for her.

She ran down the streets, clutching the missive tightly and holding it close to her chest. She ignored all the paging stares of bystanders as she ran past them. One thing was on her mind: Lucien.

“Celesta!”

She skidded to a halt, recognizing the voice. She turned to see who it was, just to be sure. Lucien stood on the other side of the street dressed in muted colors of brown, green, and gray. His hair was much longer now, his clothes worn and tattered, and there were worry lines on his face. He must have seen her running when he called her name.

Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to overcome her vision. She dashed across the street, unmindful of any carriages that were making their way up and down the street, and flung her arms about Lucien as she made it across, safe and sound. She felt him stumble back a little and his body tense. When she began to sob against his chest, he encircled her in his arms and murmured soothing words into her ear.

“I have missed you so terribly!” she sobbed. “I decided to wait this time. Like I should have so long ago. I didn’t marry Matteo because I knew it was wrong. So, I waited. I waited all this time just for you! I’m so sorry!” She clutched him tight, afraid he would disappear and leave her again.

“Hush now. Let us return to your home and calm you down.” Lucien gently pulled away from her as much as she would allow. “M’lady, I will not leave your side. I swear it.” She loosened her hold a little and Lucien gave her his arm.

Celesta wiped away her tears as they walked back to her home. She clutched Lucien’s arm tightly the whole way. Upon entering her manor, he escorted her over to her sitting room and sat her down. When he began to move away, Celesta grasped his hand and the sleeve of his shirt. “Why are you taking care of me?” she whispered. “I have done you a grave injustice.”

Lucien knelt down before her. “Because I still care. I thought about you the entire time I was away.” He reached up and caressed her cheek. “I wanted nothing more than to see you again.” He leaned forward and kissed her tears away. “I have so much to tell you,” he started to say.

“Tell me tomorrow,” Celesta begged. “When we have more time.”

Lucien shook his head. “This must be told now.” He took her by the shoulders gently. “I at least owe you an explanation for my absence.” He took a breath. “I am the Prince’s Herald.”

Stunned silence met this statement, then-

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she whispered. Her mind began to put the pieces together. All the times he had been gone coincided with some instigations of violence that had been suddenly suppressed or other occurrences that the knights couldn’t quell themselves and had to call in reinforcements. “You were the reinforcement,” she said finally. “You were the one who put a stop to all of those outside threats to the prince. You were the dark shadow always trailing him.”

“Yes,” Lucien admitted. “I am.”

“What else have you been doing?” said Celesta in wonderment, now realizing why he never seemed to want to get close to her.

Lucien laughed and told her.

***

It took a few days for her to adjust to all of the information that she had learned. Even after that, she couldn’t let Lucien slip away from her again. This was merely a facet of Lucien that she would have to learn to accept. She even told him as much.

“I want to correct what I did by doing what I should have done so many years ago,” Celesta told him.

“I have a better idea,” Lucien replied. “I know it will be hard to do but we could try.” He smiled faintly. “We put the past behind us and move forward. What is done is done. All we have left to us now is today.”

Celesta returned his smiled. “I would like to do that.”

“Good.” Lucien gently pulled Celesta into his arms and held her there. “Perhaps now we will have a chance at what we have always wanted.”

Celesta looked up at him and smiled once more. “With no secrets,” she added.

Lucien nodded. “No secrets.” He leaned down and kissed her ever so sweetly...

***

...”Celesta?”

“Forgive me, Rail. I was...thinking...”Celesta looked back down at the parchment before her. She sighed heavily, longingly, and folded it back up ever so carefully.

“You still love him.”

“Yes.” She placed it back in its spot in her memento box and closed it gently. “And I probably will for a very long time.”

“The love of our kind is immortal, Celesta,” Rail reminded her.

“I know,” replied Celesta, “but I still can’t be with him, even if I had never become a goddess. Not after what I did to his heart.”

“I know.” This time, Rail sighed.

Celesta smiled as she looked at the memento box once more and walked away. “It’s just nice to dream sometimes.”

“Yes,” Rail agreed. “Yes, it is.”

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