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Chivalry

Rader woke in the morning, feeling tired. The night had been spent fitfully with images of a dancing Wyndelyn filling his head. He sat up in bed and thought for a moment. Perhaps he should go speak with Symir about Wyn. He was her cousin and he surely would have some idea of what Wyn likes and dislikes, what her favorite things were, and the like.

He grinned to himself. yes. That would be a good course of action. He swung his legs out of the bed, throwing back the covers as he did so, and slipped on a simple tunic and pants with boots. He threw on a cloak and clattered won the stairs, making sure to grab his sword on the way out just in case.

He made his way over to Symir and Sahyber's house and knocked loudly on the front door. He glanced about the area nervously, shifting his weight from one leg to the next. He hoped that Wyn had received the lute he had bought for her. It occurred to him then that he could ask Symir about it. He brightened up considerably and began humming, waiting for the door to be answered.

Standing at the font door, he noticed that there were summer rose bushes on either side of the door, planted by Sahyber herself, no doubt. Her hand was apparent all around the home, from the hanging baskets of the herbs she grew for healing of the sick to the way the house was painted in the cheery shade of a pale, pale butter color.

No one answered the door.

Sahyber was in her favorite place: her atrium. The huge glassed in place behind her home that harbored the mall hot water spring, her flowers, vegetable garden, and her Kyotan rock garden. Wearing a button up short tunic that she had tied up to reveal her flat stomach from no childbearing and a pair of old trousers that she had cut short, she worked in garden pulling at the weeds.

Rader began to peer about the area. He knocked one last time on the door and after waiting several more minutes (and coming to the determination that no one was going to answer) he began to wander about the side of the house. He smiled slightly at Sahyber's handy work. He remembered how much she loved roses. He made a quick mental note to send her and Symir a wedding gift.

He continued his way around the house and paused as he caught sight of the atrium. He wondered if perhaps someone was inside and approached. He blinked as he caught sight of Sahyber something so scandalous that he sucked in air from shock. He wanted to call out to her to let her know that he was there, but something stopped him. He had never really seen Sahyber like this before. He hoped for her sake that she was truly happy with Symir. The gods alone knew that he had wanted to make her happy, but that was something not meant to be. The river flows and time moves on.

He crossed his arms over his chest and smiled. He would watch her for only a moment. No longer.

Sahyber had her hair piled up on top of her head with hints of silver and blue from last night's costume were still there, not yet washed out, but mingling with the golden white hue of her hair. Abruptly she stood and looked down with a self-satisfied smile at the little rows of strawberries growing as if they grew especially for her. She moved one of her gloved hands up to her face and the dirt that was on the back of one was dashed, unknowingly, across her cheek, accenting it.

Bending to scoot a little lady bug off of one of her toes, she smiled again and looked longingly at the hot spring. Her movements were near erotic, almost a dancer's grace, but she was unaware of it. Upon rising, she looked again to the hot spring and started moving toward it on her small, bare feet while removing her gloves.

Rader opened his mouth to say something, realizing that Sahyber was about to slip into the hot spring. He lowered his arms and sprinted forward. "Sahyber?! Sahyber, is that you?" He stopped just short of the atrium, panting. "Sorry for intruding but I wanted to visit you and Symir," he managed between gasps of air.

He grinned at her as soon as she turned around and he dashed stray locks of his long black hair from his face. He took in what she was wearing and managed not to blush. He kept his eyes on her face instead of wandering about her lithe form.

Sahyber jumped, startled by the sound that brought her out of her day dreamy haze of soaking nude in the spring and letting her mind wander. She hated to admit it, but something she discovered on her own about her body that could be perfectly accompanied by her own fingers, something her husband had failed to teach her fully of was awaiting her.

She figured it was Matilde or her husband coming back so soon and upon seeing Rader she immediately turned a brighter shade of cerise. Motioning for him down a way to the door, she smiled and unlocked it, letting him into her inner sanctum. She tried to recall if he had ever been in the atrium and if he had, so much had changed since his last visit.

Rader looked about the atrium in wonder as soon as he entered. "Did you do all of this?" he asked her. He sated open mouthed at everything within. "This is incredible!" He began to wander about the atrium, wanting to inspect everything.

Around the top of the room about three feet wide, were sceneries of stained glass depicting different scenes: a fae and baby dragon playing hide and seek, a fairy party...all fantastical things. The way the budding sunlight of the day shone through made the flooring, which was made of dirt, rock, and round stepping stones, move with a brilliance of color and only added to the intensity between them.

He poked a random plant gently, wondering if it would react or not. He was trying extremely hard not to stare at Sahyber. So long as he kept his back to her he wouldn't be tempted to stare at her voluptuous body.

He fumed at himself quietly. He was in love with Wyn! Not Sahyber! Besides, Sahyber was married. She was strictly off limits, especially since she was the wife of a fellow Knight of Chalis; however, he couldn't deny the fact that on some small level he was still in love with her. Why did things have to be so complicated?

Sahyber watched him move about the glass room. She moved gracefully over the stepping stones, following close behind him. She chuckled softly. "Rader, you said you came to speak to me?" She tentatively said "me," as she dared to let a trickle of thought enter he mind that it wasn't just Symir he wished to see. "But, yes, I had all of this built around the hot spring. You should take a dip sometime. It's completely relaxing. It will soothe your aching muscles."

Rader paused. He hesitated for a moment, then slowly turned about to face her. He kept his gaze upon her face. "Yes, I did come to see you. I wanted to thank you for inviting me over to your table last night during the ball. I am afraid that I would have stayed a wallflower the entire night if you had not brought me over." He gave her a lopsided grin. "you looked enchanting last night. I am sorry that I was unable to dance with you as I had promised."

Sahyber watched him with that alluring, bright-eyed stare she always had, and was only told recently by some man in the Heart that it was enough to entrance a man into forgetting his name. She had laughed him off at the time and now, looking at Rader, she felt her heart beating like a drum. "Y-you are welcome. I couldn't leave you to stand there all alone. Besides, Symir didn't mind at all." But even as she said this, she knew that hadn't been the only reason. She had to touch him. She knew she could and did.

She offered another smile to him and nodded. "Thank you again for your compliment. Enchanting, you say?" She smiled wistfully for just a moment, almost with a deviltry of delight knowing another man noticed her.

"Yes. Enchanting." He turned slightly to look back at her, giving her a strained smile. What the hell was wrong with him? When he was with the whole world seemed to sing, but when he was with Sahyber, everything seemed to loose focus and all he could see was her. It was the same way now. So long as he could keep his distance from her nothing improper would happen. Right? Then why was all he wanted was to be close to her?

All thoughts of Wyndelyn were dashed away as Rader actually looked at her. He reached up with one tentative hand and gently twined a strand of her pale blond hair between thumb and forefinger. "I remember when your hair was a deep brown. I almost miss it." His voice trailed off. he watched her longingly, his gray eyes traveling over her body as a wistful smile crept over his face.

A million chills run over her scalp and down her neck upon feeling his touch upon her hair. They converged to meet at her lower back and made a game of chase up her back and down her arms. Her eyes widened at the nearness of him and she stammered out the words, "I-I do, too. I feel so...different." It took everything she had in her being not to kiss him or touch the silken tresses of his hair.

Opposites. Her golden white hair and his midnight black. Her mind let her ponder what they would look like sleeping together, close. His hair missed with hers, making a collage of black and white. Dark, rich hair with the white paleness. Light and dark. Night and day. Opposites.

Rader abruptly turned away from her, dropping his hand down to his side as he realized what he was doing. This wasn't why he came here. It shouldn't be the reason why he came. What was he doing? he began to pace off down the rest of the atrium, hands clasped behind his back.

"So! Rader... Rader, Rader, Rader." Her tongue played over his name like she would be able to enrich the moment with the revelry in his very name.

Rader nodded to the hot spring. "A dip in the hot spring, you said?" he echoed in strained tones. Anything to start a conversation, to get away and off dangerous grounds. "I will have to try that some time."

"Yes, you shall have to come. Wyn doesn't like me much. She is overly protective of Symir and refuses to swim in it because I let Bodie and Hope in here. She thinks they might pee in it or something. But even if they did, its a live spring and it would be cleansed." Again, she watched him, still naive enough that she didn't realize the improperness of what she had just said. "I was just about to myself."

"Why does Wyn not like you much?" he looked thoroughly confused now as he turned once again to her. He took a few steps back toward her. Could it be true that Wyn and Sahyber did not get along? "And I do not think you and I bathing together in the hot spring would be such a good idea." He smiled again, this time in amusement. It was faint and it crinkled the lines about his eyes that hadn't been there before.

Everything about him looked tired: his eyes, his smile, his stance. But he still stood proudly, shoulders squared. There was something in his eyes that hadn't bee there before. Perhaps a worldliness that no amount of gallivanting about the countryside of Mordanthas could have done to enlighten him.

"And I had not meant to interrupt you. I can leave so that you may bathe, if you wish..." He had the half wild thought of joining her and he flushed scarlet. he lowered his gaze to the floor quickly, hoping she hadn't noticed.

She only bubbled forth a smile and something in her heart strummed an old, almost forgotten chord. She moved to him and too his hands and led him to a bench near the waterfall that plunged into a little pool. "Sit down and tell me what is bothering you. You have this look and I know it well. I something troubling you?"

She forgot about the questions regarding Wyndelyn. It was just two women fighting in a territorial sense. She puzzled at why not soaking in the spring would be a bad idea. She had and extra suit he could wear. She truly didn't understand, but the way he held himself, the way his eyes looked, and the tone of caution in his voice led the way for her question. "Talk to me. You know you can."

Rader allowed himself to be led to the bench. He glanced side long at her for a moment, then turned his gaze to the waterfall. He sighed heavily and his shoulders slumped, as if a great weight were bearing down on them. "I did something terrible to Wyn: I left her without a word."

He looked up at Sahyber and grasped her hands with his own. he looked desperate and watched her pleadingly. "You see, I kept having these dreams about a town up in the mountains of Chalis that was being harried. I would even receive these during the day. I could not ignore them! I felt drawn to this village. So, I left. Without a single word to anyone, I left. I followed my dream and came upon that same village I had seen in my visions. It turned out that a Cult of Flagerians had been torturing the inhabitants, using them as free labor and whatnot. I organized a resistance and flushed out.

"Sahyber, that was why I was gone for so long. I fear to tell anyone other than Lord Damon and you. I told Sir Reyan but I fear he thinks that I am delusional or making up some sort of excuse, as I am sure Wyn will. That experience changed me, Sahyber. I look at many of the knights here and I find them petty. Is that wrong of me?" He looked up at her, a pleading look in his eyes, hoping beyond all hop that perhaps she understood. "Please tell me that I am not insane."

While he talked, she rubbed her thumbs over his hands holding hers. She made facial expressions of concern, worry, and distress. "You were alone in this? Oh, Rader, darling, I am so sorry. Had you any way to send word I surely would have joined you. But this falls into place with the visions I once had and never told you of..." Her voice trailed off.

"Yes, I was alone I this. I felt compelled to go." Rader paused. "You had visions?"

she held his hands and nodded. "Compelled. Called. Destiny. All the same in many ways. Yes, I had visions. The writings of Drusdel say to us that those that are 'called' must be divided and separated to be tested and tried in order to reap a greater blessing in life. I knew you had to go. Drusdel told me this. I tried to approach your Lady Wyndelyn and she denied me. She nearly slapped m in the mouth." She looked down at his hands and her own and paused again. "Wyn will have to understand if her heart is with you, sweetling. She must. Then again, time changes two people like the tide changes the sandy shores, does it not?" She only smiled and pulled him to her for a hug before he can even reply. She rubbed his back and spoke softly. "You are not insane. You are a knight, Rader von Blair. you became ore of a man during this trial. Do what you always did before: write about it. 'Tis a story worthy of a legend, as you will be on day. I am sure of it." She pulled back and looked at him again, tucking some of her hair behind her ear.

Rader let himself be drawn into her arms and took comfort there. He wrapped his arms about her and took in her scent. He had forgotten how wonderful it was to be held by her. "Yes, you are absolutely right. I fear that my absence has embittered her. Especially to me. And it is not every day that you hear of a knight receiving visions, no?" he sat back from her reluctantly. "And a legend? My story? Me? I highly doubt that, but I thank you for the confidence." He grasped her by the wrist and gently kissed the palm of her hand. "Thank you so much, Sahyber. Your support means the world to me."

"Do not hold it against her, though, for like you, I am thought 'insane' for my actions and things I hear from mine Lord. But you have been chosen and your strength is like a deep river running underneath a mountain. Not seen but there all the same." Sahyber smiled reassuringly.

"But, why me? Why was I chosen?" Rader looked up at her, confusion in his gray eyes. He sighed and shook his head, sending stray locks of his hair wild with the movement. "It matters not. So long as I keep my faith in mine Lord I am sure He will direct me on the path that He has chosen for me." He gave her another smile. A real one this time.

"Why you, indeed," Sahyber replied. "Because your heart is good and I the right place. Because of your earnest wish to do the right thing at any time. Worry not you are watched by Him and perhaps I will send my prayers to Him with your name written in the sky."

She looked down again, finding her words silly and strange all of a sudden. She felt again like she was some child in love with an older, wiser, beautiful man. Then, on the other hand, she knew she was a woman and knew she desired him. She always did.

Rader followed her gaze down to their hands and ran a calloused thumb over the back of her hand. "Even though we were never truly together, you were the best I ever had. When I am with Wyndelyn the whole world seems to sing, but when I am with you, everything always seems to lose focus and all I can see is you. Strange no?" he swallowed past the sudden lump in his throat. "As much as I love Wyn, I find myself questioning that love. I cannot blame her for wanting to hate me. I did leave her without a word of explanation. I think her ill treatment of me is her way of getting back at me for leaving her. But you... You were happy to see me again..."

He laughed in embarrassment and turned away from Sahyber, dropping her hand as he did so. "Listen to me: I speak as though I am trying to woo a lady and here you are: a married woman." He gave her a side long glance. "Speaking of which, how are you and Symir doing?"

"I don't know how to take what you say about the world singing with Wyn and blurring with me being the only focus. But yes, happy to see you would be an honest understatement. I was simply delighted you were alight and I new somehow we'd have this chance to talk again. That you would tell me where you were when you were ready.

"And Rader, if you doubt, do you doubt all of the time or only some of the time?" She blatantly avoided the question of her and Symir.

Rader mumbled under his breath, his face turned away from her, "I know why" in answer to her first statement. He cleared his throat as Sahyber moved the conversation on and he smiled, turning back to her. "'Delighted' you say?" The smiled slipped from his face and a frown replaced it, realizing that there were more pressing matters to speak of. Such as Wyn. "Sometimes when I am with Wyn, she appear to be civil enough, but I feel this distance between us, as if there is a huge chasm. I noticed that there are other gentlemen who vie for her affection but they always seem to back away when I am around. Her smile seems a bit strained during these times. At other times, she is a bit waspish, snapping at people, making some rather tart replies. During the tournament, I saw her backhand a helper, but I was unable to determine whether he deserved it or not.

"I honestly do not know what to think. I never know if she is going to enjoy my company or ignore me at any given time. Unlike you. I always know that I can talk with you." He reached up wit his right hand and brushed his fingertips along Sahyber's cheek, a gentle smile on his face. He gave a sudden start and jerked his hand away as though it had just been stung by something particularly nasty. What was he doing? He shouldn't be doing such things.

Sahyber listened to him speak, and although the words he spoke entered her mind to register her listening, his touch spoke volumes. She found herself leaning into the touch and closing her eyes. Even giving off a soft, breathless sigh. Upon his abrupt removal of his hand, she blinked her eyes open as reality set in, knowing that Rader shouldn't be the one questioning his sanity but she her own.

"I-It seems that she doesn't know how to deal with her feelings. I have always known my feelings. I just had to heed the word of my god-" She reached up to touch his chin, forcing him to look up at her"-and let you go at that time. I knew I would always be in your life, Rader. I knew all along. But I had to prove to my Lord that I could separate my heart from my own calling and be selfless enough to allow you to go to your calling. If we had been together, I would have begged you not to go. So would have Wyn. You didn't need to be off doing what you had to do with a woman's final departing words nagging your soul with 'Don't go.'"

Rader looked up at her reluctantly. The touch of her hand against his face seemed to burn and he longed to kiss her, touch her, anything. He felt his whole face flush. "So," he began and swallowed. "So, we were separated by Lord Drusdel's grand design." A statement of fact, not a question. "He needed us separated in order to fulfill our duties to him. So, now what? I have completed mine for the time being until He calls me again. What of you?"

He could feel his heart racing and was thoroughly convinced that Sahyber could hear it. They were close now. Closer than they should be, perhaps. He found himself thinking that he was happy that her eyes were still violet and wondered idly why he would think of such a thing. What did her eyes have to do with anything. Then, he did the unthinkable: he kissed her.

Oh. That was why.

Sahyber's words were trapped as she tried to speak them. His mouth caught the sound and kept the words there to himself. Her eyes closed and her heart tremmored as if someone were fanning a low fire to full fury. Her hand moved to caress his cheek and finally delve into his hair that she found so deliciously soft to the touch. It seemed to know her touch and her fingers moved adeptly further into it.

She turned her head and in spite of her vows, her heart was speaking louder at this moment. The full fluidity that established her as a woman came bursting forth into the singular movement of the kiss. She felt the urges to explore him and yet held back. This was a bold move for Rader, she knew, and as for herself, something she had longed for too long.

All thoughts of Wyndelyn and Symir seemed to evaporate in that one instant that he kissed her. He began to trail kisses down her neck as his hands fumbled with the tunic she wore. He was probably delirious. He was probably just imagining this. Any moment now he was going to wake up and it would all just be a dream. So, if it was only a dream, why not fulfill his desires that he had had for Sahyber for so long?

He gave up o the tied she had done on the tunic and let his hands roam about her body. Soft, supple, and warm. Just as he had imagined it would be. His arms tightened about her as if he were afraid that she would suddenly disappear from him. He had to be dreaming. There was no other explanation. This whole thing was a wonderful hallucination and he prayed that it wouldn't end.

Sahyber gasped at the touch and all the while was undoing the buttons to his shirt. She had to know. She had to feel his touch. Even if it was just once. She kissed his mouth, his chin, and his neck. Her tremulous words came as breathless whispers over the shell like curve of his ear.

"We shouldn't be doing this," Rader murmured. Even as the words left his mouth they hardly registered. "Lord Drusdel will condemn us for this to the lowest pits of-" He was silenced as Sahyber kissed him, cutting off whatever else he was going to say. He parted his lip in kind. A hand reached up and tangled itself into her hair as the other slipped underneath her tunic.

Feeling his hands on her in exploration of places he had never been brought excitement to her body and made her hear race even faster than it already had been. Her hands moved over his chest, splayed out like starfish, and moved down over its surface and back up again. She took a jagged intake of breath and parted her lips to fully engage in the most forbidden of kisses.

She felt a delicate shudder rush over her entire being and upon hearing his words, slowed down. Her hands froze there on his hips as she had been pushing the waistline of his pants down. Now laying atop him, she stared at him. What they were about to do, was it passion or lust only? Was it going to change them for all time? What was going to happen afterwards? What got into her? She was a Revered Sister!

Rader moaned as he felt her hands explore his body, and she was lost again. She felt his body beneath her as they began to lay back on the bench. Laying atop him, she looked down as her hands rested behind his head to keep it from bumping on the marble bench. She viewed his face for a long moment. Tresses of alabaster came down to flow about them as she leaned down again for a kiss in the hair like veil they were under.

He kissed her for all he was worth, then drew away. A bit reluctantly, it seemed. "We can stop if you want," he murmured. He studied her face, exactly the way it was now. He wanted to remember this moment. "As much as I desire you, want you, even I will never force you to do anything you do not wish to do. The two things I could never bear would be for you to hate me or to see you cry. So, if you want, we can stop."

He tilted hi head up and kissed her again. It pained him to speak such words to her, but they needed to be said. It was oh, so tempting just to take her right here and now and do such pleasurable things to her. He reached up and stroked her cheek. He loved her too much to cause her pain and confusion, especially over him and the man she was married to; however, he had a feeling that she was not happy with him. "If only I had returned sooner," he whispered with a smile, a wistful tone in his voice.

Sahyber hushed him by placing her fingers over his lips. She kissed him one last time, tears spilling from her eyes, which he kissed away.

They sat up slowly, still clinging to one another. Sahyber rested her head on his shoulder and they remained that way, merely holding each other for a few moments more. It seemed like an eternity but it still wasn't enough.

"We should get you dressed," Sahyber said with a nervous laugh and she was relieved when Rader smiled. She studied his face, memorizing every line, then she stood up and Rader followed after.

Rader began buttoning up his shirt but Sahyber stopped him. It was no more than a gentle touch and a small smile. She buttoned up the rest of his shirt and straightened it out. She wanted to make sure he looked presentable.

Rader offered his arm to her as soon as she finished. He offered her a smile as she took it and walked her over to the door. As soon as they reached it, they stopped and stared. As soon as they stepped outside the would no longer be able to be in this moment with each other. Sahyber would once again be the wife of a knight that seemed to think of her as no more than a trophy wife and Rader would once again be a gentleman and Knight of Chalis. They smiled at each other, knowing that this was inevitable.

Sahyber watched as Rader slipped his arm from hers and stood in front of her. He kneeled, head lowered. "M'lady," he murmured.

Sahyber stretched forth her hand and Rader gently took it in his own. He brought her hand to his lips and kissed her hand gently, but his lips seemed to linger much longer than they should have. Sahyber turned her hand slightly so that her fingers brushed against his cheek.

"Perhaps...in another lifetime-" she began.

Rader looked up at her. "And I would wait a thousand lifetimes just to be by your side," he whispered fiercely.

Sahyber closed her eyes, knowing that he would. She heard him rise to his feet, heard the door open and shut, and knew that he was gone.

It was over.

Sahyber bit her lip to keep herself from crying.

It was over.

She turned away from the door and face the atrium, opening her eyes. Taking in a calming breath, she walked down the path, past the hot spring, past the bench by the waterfall, and over to a yet untended part of the garden.

It was over.

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